and no, this isn’t a keto reference.
I’m talking bread, as in dough. You know, like money? As in, I have no money because I lost my job.
Whoop, there it is. I got laid off. Now you can probably see why it has taken me so long to write this post. I’m handling it the opposite of ‘well’. And I’ve turned into a depressed pile of shit who struggles to do anything but post pathetic Instagram stories of me either crying or flipping off the camera while sporting a puppy filter. [okay, so maybe that last part happens always, regardless of my job status. but you get the picture.] I’m a mess.
Now, before you go questioning my work ethic, I should preface this by saying layoffs are frequent in my industry. Like, super frequent. The fact that I made it two years with my company before having to face a layoff is extremely rare. But let me tell you, that doesn’t make the news of this any easier.
I received my fate in mid-December. While most companies are gifting their employees with a Christmas party, Christmas bonus, or even a holiday shut-down, my company gifted me with the words, “you have not been retained during our restructuring”. Merry Fucking Christmas to me, am I right? The best part though? Not only is my position being eliminated, but I have to work through mid-January in order to receive my severance. Uh, what?
Let me tell you, the strength it takes to go to work everyday for a full month in a self-motivating, autonomous position, knowing you will not be employed at the end, is unlike anything I’ve ever had to deal with. Now, I’ve never lived with a significant other, but I would equate my current situation to a bad break-up with someone you live with. But, after The break-up, that person had to continue living with you for a full month in order for you to get your alimony. And, not only does this person have to continue living with you, but you are forced to read their daily text messages and emails relaying all of the cool things they are doing and all of the ways they will move on without you once you’re gone. And then, once the month is up and they do finally move out, they’ll take your car [did I mention I don’t own a car? so, not only am I about to be unemployed, I’m about to be without transportation. this just keeps getting better, right?]. Okay, so maybe my analogy is a little off, but you get the picture. My life sucks and I’m miserable right now.
I know, I know. Everything happens for a reason [side note: this is currently my least favorite quote, so do not fucking feed it to me]. Things always work themselves out. And I get that. I know something else will come along. I have two degrees. According to my resume, I have skills. So, yeah, I’m sure I won’t be unemployed forever. But, in the meantime, I’ll be over here, mourning the loss of my favorite job thus far with the company I have always dreamed of working for. And I’ll continue to frantically refresh my emails, waiting to hear back from even one of the 984 jobs I’ve applied for, all while having nightly nightmares about who’s going to pay my mortgage payment and wondering how the hell I’m going to get anywhere without a car. I know, I’m irrational. But, at this point, it’s allowed.
[almost] thirty. single. and unemployed. I continue to live the dream.
with love and butter,
bree
buttered and blonde 